Is He Dead? Read online

  “Where were you tonight? I want the truth!” he ordered. Amanda gave him the same answer she had already given, “We went to BVL!”

  Tom slapped her face. “You filthy whore, you were with a nigger. You disgusting slut. What did you do? Have sex with him? Damn, I want to throw up!’ He grabbed Amanda’s hair and slung her to the floor.

  “Okay, Okay, Okay!” Amanda screamed. “We went to Orlando to buy a silencer!”

  “You’re still lying to me!” he said as he slapped Amanda again.

  He told Amanda to leave the bedroom and called Robert back in. “Where were you tonight?” Tom asked Robert.

  Robert’s entire body was shaking. His voice was broken up but audible. “We went to Orlando to the circle. We went to a drug dealer’s house!”

  Tom was furious. “You went to a drug dealer’s house? What happened?” Tom asked.

  Robert told Tom that he didn’t know. He explained that when he walked up to the door the black guy told him to go sit back in the car.

  “What did Amanda do?” Tom asked.

  Robert said, “She went inside. I couldn’t see her.”

  Tom yelled, “Now I get it! Now it makes sense to me! Cocaine!”

  Amanda was in the kitchen frantically searching the drawers for her keys and finally found a spare set. She put them in her pocket so the first chance she had, she could go get the gun.

  Tom left Robert and went into the bathroom. Amanda ran outside and unlocked her car. She reached under the seat and pulled out the gun. She opened the cylinder to ensure there were bullets in the gun. When she opened the cylinder the bullets fell onto the floorboard. “Oh shit!” Amanda thought. She found five bullets and loaded them back into the gun.

  She pushed the car door shut and went back in to the house. She picked up a sofa pillow and hid the gun underneath it. “When Robert comes out here he will find it,” Amanda thought.

  Tom yelled for Amanda to come into his bedroom. Amanda walked in and Tom started in on her. “You been screwing a nigger? How long you been doing this?”

  Amanda yelled back, “I ain’t screwing no nigger, Tom. I told you we was looking for a silencer.

  “Get the fuck out of my bedroom!” Tom yelled.

  Amanda walked out and went directly to the sofa. She felt for the gun. Oh my God, it’s gone, Robert has it. He’s going to do it right now.

  Oh my God! Oh my God!

  Her mind was whirling. She ran into the bathroom, turned on the water and flushed the toilet. She didn’t want to hear the gun go off.

  After a few minutes she turned off the water and walked back in the living room. She bent down and saw the gun under the sofa. She felt the hair on the back of her neck raise up. There was a shadow on the floor. Tom was standing behind her. “Does he see the gun?” she asked herself.

  Amanda stood up straight and turned around. Tom was standing behind her. He was just standing there. He didn’t say a word. Sometimes he would do that right before he hit the kids.

  He looked at her and said, “Not worth it, was it?”

  Amanda glanced up at him. His eyes were wild and his face was red and frightening. Amanda gasped and replied, “No it wasn’t.”

  Robert was in his bedroom with the door locked. Tom attempted to open it and became more enraged when he discovered it was locked.

  “Robert, unlock this damn door!” he shouted. Robert opened the door and Tom told him to come into the living room.

  Melissa complained she had a bad headache, so Tom gave her two pills that she thought were aspirin, but actually he gave her two valiums. He told her to go lay down in their bedroom. Then, he did something he had never done before. He took an old quilt from the linen closet and placed it across the top of the door and draped it downward in order to block noise.

  Tom directed Amanda to sit on the loveseat and Robert to sit on the sofa. “I have tried so hard to be a good father to both of you. I have given you everything. I just don’t understand why you lie to me and cheat me the way you do. I’ve always tried to teach you both what’s right and what’s wrong, and you have chosen the wrong.”

  “Nothing seems to work,” he said dramatically, as he sat down on the sofa. The heel of his foot was nudged against the gun. He felt his foot hit something and was about to look down when Amanda blurted out, “We try to be good, dad, but sometimes when you tell one lie, you have to keep telling lies.” She was trying hard to take his attention away from what his foot had hit on the floor. Tom got angry when she said that. Robert had become a strong-willed individual, but was beginning to weaken under pressure. He had tears running down his face. He tried not to sniffle. The last thing he wanted was for Tom to detect his fear.

  Tom stood up and walked into the kitchen, Amanda pointed to the gun, “Get it. Get it now!” she whispered. Robert slid down towards the gun and sat on the end where it was placed. Amanda said it again, “Get it, Robert. You have to shoot him now.” Robert was too nervous, and too scared to bend down and pick up the gun.

  As he reached down under the sofa, Tom walked back into the living room. He had a pair of needle nose pliers in his hands. He took Amanda’s hand and told her he was going to pull out her finger nails. He tried to grip her nails, but fortunately for her, she was a nail-biter and Tom couldn’t get a grip on any of them. Amanda looked down at her hand and Tom kneed her in the jaw. “Fuck!” he said. He reached for Robert and twisted the pliers around a wad of Robert’s hair. He jerked the pliers back and pulled out a clump of hair the size of a pencil. Robert screamed loudly in pain, and grabbed for his head. Tom grabbed another bunch of hair with the pliers and this time, a steady flow of blood flowed down the side of his head. Robert dropped on the floor and went into the fetus position to protect himself.

  Tom threw the pliers on to the floor and pulled at Amanda’s hair. He lifted her from the chair.

  “This is a new trick!” Tom said to Amanda as she squirmed to break free. Robert stood up and yelled for Tom to stop. He swung his fist at Tom, striking him on the back of the neck. Tom turned around and grabbed Robert by his ears. He lifted Robert from the floor until his left ear split and started bleeding.

  Tom heard a car door close and he jumped up and looked out the window. He locked the front door and returned.

  Robert said, “You’re not a man to pick on two kids!” Tom reacted by kicking Robert under his chin, as if he were kicking a football. Robert fell back against the wall and Tom kicked him in the chest, temporarily stopping his breathing. Robert gasped for air and fell onto the floor.

  Tom started pacing back and forth in the house. He was mumbling things that didn’t make any sense.

  Robert was able to stand up and catch his breath.

  “Liars, liars, liars!” Tom kept repeating.

  He grabbed Robert’s shirt. “You like this shirt? You like this shirt, boy?” Robert replied, “Yes sir!” Tom pulled it apart breaking the buttons loose. He then pulled the sleeves in opposite directions until it ripped in half. Tom pulled the shirt up and proceeded to choke Robert with it. “Stop it! Stop it!” Amanda screamed. She threw a lamp at him and struck Tom on the back. Robert’s face was blue. Tom dropped Robert and turned towards Amanda.

  “Okay, bitch. You like your Hang Ten shirt and OP shorts?” Tom said as he ripped Amanda’s shirt off of her. He pulled at her shorts and ripped them off, as well. “Now what are you going to do?” Tom asked. Amanda was standing there in her bra and panties. He ripped her bra off, tearing the snaps in the back. He reached out and started twisting and pinching Amanda’s breast. “You like this!” he yelled, “Is this the kind of treatment you get when you’re with a nigger? You like it, damn it?”

  “No sir!” Amanda screamed as loud as she could. Tom slapped her and told to shut up.

  “I need some water!” Tom said. He walked towards the kitchen again.

  Upon his return he said, “I am going to get this straight if I have to beat both of you for forty straight hours!”

  He sat down in
his recliner and started watching TV and Melissa walked into the living room. Amanda asked her mom (who was barely awake and under the influence of the valiums) if she could go get some clothes on. Melissa said she could and Amanda ran to her room. Tom looked up and asked where she was going. Melissa told him that she was going to put some clothes on. “She ain’t putting none of my clothes on!” he shouted. Amanda heard Tom shout out that she wasn’t allowed to put on his clothes, so she put on a pair of shorts and T-shirt that belonged to Melissa.

  Amanda walked out of the house to her car. She opened the driver’s side door and reached under the seat for the gun. Her heart stopped when she couldn’t find it. “Oh shit, it’s in the house already.” She had forgotten she had already taken it into the house. She went back inside and sat on the sofa with her feet on the coffee table. Robert was sleeping, sitting up, on the love seat.

  Tom walked in and said, “This ain’t the end. It ain’t over yet, I’m going to get to the bottom of this shit tonight!”

  Tom sat down next to Amanda and told her to take her feet off the coffee table. He picked up the remote and changed the channel on the TV. Tom looked at the TV and didn’t take his eyes off it for twenty or thirty minutes.

  Then out of nowhere, he says to Amanda, “So you like cocaine, huh?” Amanda responded, “Yeah.” Tom stood up and started to laugh and walked into the kitchen. Amanda heard him open a cabinet then close it. “So you like to get high?” Tom shouted.

  He walked back into the living room with a box of baking soda and a teaspoon. He dipped the spoon into the baking soda and put the spoon up to Amanda’s nose. “Snort this shit!” he said. Amanda looked at him and told him she didn’t want to snort the baking soda. Tom flipped the spoon and tossed the baking soda in Amanda’s face. Most of it went into her eyes. “You think you’re so smart, don’t you?” Tom asked Amanda. “Snorting cocaine and fucking niggers.”

  Tom put the spoon back into the box and filled it with a heap of baking soda. His facial expression suddenly changed along with his voice. It was like a different person was talking. He dropped the box on the floor and grabbed Amanda’s face and held the spoonful of baking soda up to her nose. “Snort this right now, damn it! Right fucking now!” He shoved the spoon into her nostril and Amanda sniffed at the soda. “Snort it, damn it!” Tom screamed. Amanda snorted real hard and the entire spoonful of soda went into her nostril. She started gagging and coughing. “I can’t do this!” Amanda cried. Tom picked up the box and told Amanda that was only one nostril. “Now, you have to do the other side, too! You want to use cocaine, huh?” He shoved another spoonful of baking soda into her other nostril. Amanda started choking and gagging. Tom turned to her and hit her on the back.

  “Did that nigger sell you that cocaine?” Tom asked.

  Amanda responded, “Yes sir!”

  Tom drew his hand back and slapped Amanda in the face calling her a slut, a cokehead and a nigger fucker. The impact caused Amanda to lose her balance and fall backwards onto the floor. She blew her nose out onto the carpet and saw the gun under the sofa. She was thinking, “If I don’t do it now, he may kill me tonight.” She looked up at Robert and he was looking down at her. He shook his head back and forth telling her no. Amanda decided she was going to go for it. As soon as she made up her mind, Tom grabbed her from behind.

  “You want to snort crazy shit?” He had a can of black pepper in his hand and poured at least half the can into his hand. He pulled Amanda’s face to his hand and held the pepper up to her nose forcing her to inhale. Pepper went into Amanda’s eyes, up her nose and in her mouth. She turned away and threw up on the floor. She ran to the bathroom and tried to wash the pepper out of her eyes.

  Tom followed her into the bathroom and continued screaming and yelling at her, “You think snorting cocaine is all right, don’t you?” Amanda tried to talk but she had black pepper and baking soda in her throat. Tom pulled at her hair, causing her to once again lose her balance. Amanda fell against the sink and got a gash above her right eye. She was physically exhausted. She dropped on to the floor and curled up in the fetal position. Tom opened the medicine cabinet and removed a bottle of Orajel and a bottle of Anbesol. Both were medicines normally used for toothaches. He left the bathroom with both bottles.

  Amanda stayed on the floor until he left the room. She stood up and turned on the shower. She locked the door, and then removed her mother’s clothes.

  Amanda stepped into the shower and put her face under the hot water. The heat felt good as she blew her nose. She shampooed her hair and washed herself. She made the water hotter and just stood there enjoying the effects of the hot water. She started crying and wished she had never been born. “I just can’t take this anymore,” she cried.

  Amanda stepped out and grabbed a towel. She placed the warm towel to her face and inhaled, and then she dried herself off. She put her dirty panties in the clothes hamper, and put her mother’s shorts and T-shirt back on.

  When she got back into the living room, Tom was watching TV again and Robert was sleeping.

  Tom looked at her and said, “We ain’t through yet, girl! Not by a long shot!”

  Amanda started crying and put her head down. She screamed, “That’s enough!” begged Amanda.

  Tom looked at her and said, “I decide when it’s enough, and I say it ain’t enough yet, cause you ain’t learned your lesson!’

  He had a Visine bottle in his hand. He sat down and commenced to pour Orajel into the bottle. He was spilling most of it on to the coffee table. He put down the Orajel and picked up a bottle of Anbesol. After emptying both bottles into the Visine bottle, he ordered Amanda to snort it. He said, “You want to get numb don’t you? This will get you numb. This will make you high!” he muttered. He pulled Amanda to him and sprayed the mixture up into her nose. Amanda didn’t sniff when he sprayed the bottle so Tom slapped her. “Sniff, damn it!” he yelled. He sprayed into Amanda’s other nostril and forced her again to sniff.

  Amanda’s throat and tongue were numb. She tasted the Orajel and Anbesol. The taste was nasty when mixed with the Visine, but not as bad as the black pepper.

  Tom threw the bottle on the floor and said, “That’s real good for you, ain’t it?” Then, as if someone suddenly turned him off, he sat down next to Robert and started watching TV again.

  It was 11:30 p.m. and Melissa woke up. She walked into the living room and Tom told her to go back to bed. He escorted her back to bed. Tom walked back into the kitchen and got a glass of water and two more valium. Amanda could hear him telling Melissa, “Everything is okay, honey. You just go back to sleep.”

  Amanda was sitting just above the gun, rocking her body back and forth. She whispered to Robert, “Wake up Robert; we have to do it now.” Robert just shook his head. Amanda asked, “Why not?” Robert said, “I can’t, not right now!”

  A few minutes later Tom came back into the room. He walked up to Robert and hit him on top of his head. Robert looked up at him. Tom asked, “Are you sleepy, Robert?” The only response Robert gave was a head nod, indicating he was sleepy.

  “None of this shit bothers you, does it?” Tom asked Robert. Robert just nodded his head. “Let me tell you this, Robert Jenkins, “If you go to sleep, I am going to kill you.” Robert sat there and a tear ran down his cheek. He wiped it off with his hand.

  “Oh now you’re going to be a crybaby! Let me tell you, it’s easy to kill someone in their sleep. You see, all you got to do is get a big plastic garbage bag and put it over their head while they’re sleeping. When the police do their autopsy it just shows that the person had a heart attack.” Robert started crying. He felt bad about crying because he was showing weakness in front of Tom, but he just couldn’t control it.

  “Why don’t you go on to bed, son?” Tom asked. He told Robert he wouldn’t even feel it. “I’ll wait until you are in a deep sleep. It won’t even hurt,” Tom said in a devilish voice.

  Robert didn’t move. He didn’t dare go to bed. He felt strongly t
hat Tom would kill both him and Amanda tonight unless they killed him first.

  Suddenly, there were red and blue flashing lights in the front window. A police car had stopped in the road behind a car. They could hear the policeman talking to the driver of the car. Tom jumped up and pulled the curtains tight together. He stood next to the window until the lights stopped flashing and the police car left.

  Robert was sitting on the loveseat fighting sleep. His eyes were closing and re-opening and his head was bobbing to the left and right.

  Tom walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. “I’m not going to kill ya. You go on ahead and go to bed Robert,” he whispered.

  Robert stood up and walked to his bedroom. He lay on his back, but kept his eyes open as long as he could. Just before he dozed off, he said a prayer, “Dear God, I know it was wrong for me to kill that little squirrel for no reason and I still feel bad today for doing it. I don’t know if there is a heaven, but I guess I won’t be allowed there if I kill a person and I’m scared. I am scared I won’t be able to pull that trigger and Tom will kill me and Amanda and claim we tried to kill him. Please give me the strength tomorrow to point that gun at him and kill him. Amen”

  After his prayer, Robert went to sleep. Tom held up his hand, extending his middle finger towards Amanda. “You ain’t nothing but a little bitch,” he said.

  Amanda started crying again. Tom sat down next to her and asked, “Why are you still crying?” Amanda didn’t look up so Tom moved over to the love seat and picked a magazine and began thumbing through it. He put it down and started watching the news. Other than the TV, the room was quiet for thirty minutes.

  Tom turned away from the TV and looked towards Amanda and said, “I ain’t mad at you no more.”

  Amanda looked up at him and asked, “What did you say?” Tom smiled at her and said, “I ain’t mad at you no more, honey.”